Shame, often a silent but pervasive force, can profoundly impact your professional life, eroding self-confidence and stalling career growth. In the workplace, shame can manifest in many ways—hesitation to speak up in meetings, reluctance to take on new challenges, or constant second-guessing of one’s decisions. This emotional burden is hefty for those grappling with perfectionism and imposter syndrome. According to a study by Clance and Gail Matthews, 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point, leading to persistent self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a “fraud.” Additionally, perfectionism, which involves setting unrealistically high standards, can result in chronic stress and burnout.
But there is hope. Whether striving for excellence in your career or trying to meet personal goals, these challenges can lead to feelings of shame and inadequacy. However, it is possible to overcome these feelings by adopting a compassionate approach toward yourself. Here’s how:
Remind Yourself of Your Strengths
When you’re feeling overwhelmed by perfectionism and imposter syndrome, it’s important to remember your strengths and accomplishments. Take a moment to acknowledge the things you’ve done well and the skills you possess. Create a list of your achievements and review it regularly to boost your self-worth. Celebrating small victories can enhance your confidence and reduce feelings of inadequacy.
Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you offer a friend when shame strikes. Would you speak to a friend in the same harsh tone you use with yourself? Likely not. Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t let them define you. Remember that you are human and worthy, even when you make mistakes. Take a few minutes each day to take a few deep breaths and identify the three things you’re proud of accomplishing each day.
Amplify the Positive
Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, actively seek out and amplify positive ones. Make a list of your strengths, accomplishments, and positive qualities. Reflect on past successes and challenges you’ve overcome. This practice will shift your focus from self-doubt to self-confidence. Psychological research suggests that for every negative thought, you need to think three positive thoughts to set yourself up for success rather than depression and blame. This practice, known as the 3-to-1 positivity ratio, can help you maintain a balanced perspective. For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” counter it with three positive affirmations such as, “I have valuable skills,” “I am continuously improving,” and “I have overcome challenges before.”
Challenge Your Inner Critic
Challenge the negativity of your inner critic. Ask yourself if its criticisms are truly helpful or simply fueling shame. Replace self-criticism with constructive feedback that encourages growth.
Set Realistic Goals and Actionable Steps
Setting unrealistic goals is a recipe for shame and disappointment. Instead, set achievable goals and break them down into smaller, actionable steps. This will make progress feel more manageable and boost your motivation. Ask yourself, “What is realistic about this goal for now?” By setting achievable milestones, you can make steady progress without feeling overwhelmed.
Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
Remember, progress, not perfection, is the goal. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small. This positive reinforcement will keep you moving forward and help you build momentum. The stress of perfectionism comes from thinking you have no control over the situation. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on actionable steps to improve. Identify one or two specific areas where you can make changes and create a plan to address them. This proactive approach helps you move forward and reduces feelings of helplessness and shame. View challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as threats to your self-worth.
Seek support from a therapist or coach who specializes in perfectionism and imposter syndrome, or join a support group or online community where you can connect with others who understand your challenges. Remember, overcoming shame is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your successes, and keep moving forward. You are capable of achieving great things. Taking these steps can overcome shame and build a successful and fulfilling career.
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