Public speaking is a big fear, especially after so many months of being hidden behind your laptop; attending a face-to-face 3 to 4-person meeting is stressful.
If you have public speaking fear and imposter syndrome, you probably go through articles or tips and tricks on overcoming the fear, but you find it challenging to apply it yourself.
Originally posted @ Forbes by Lucy Paulise.
Well, one aspect that is usually not much covered in overcoming public speaking fear is how to speak to yourself in the aftermath of the event.
While some pointers may be helpful for your first meeting, that problem comes when your inner critic haunts you once the session ends. What was wrong? Why didn’t you sound more confident? Did you build enough rapport? What if they didn’t like it?
All these questions make you feel terrible for a long time after the specific event, going in your head and reducing your confidence. Then, you wonder why you feel so nervous and stressed about your next presentation. Does it make any sense?
Of course, it makes sense to feel so stressed and even an impostor after only highlighting things you could have done better. You are not even sure that they went wrong; it is all about perceptions, maybe you think you sounded weird, but you actually didn’t.
The #1 tip you can remind yourself to overcome your fears of public speaking and feel better about it is to control your self-talk after the event.
During the event, it is tough to control anything; it all happens so fast that all you need is to be focused and go with the flow of the conversation. But to be able to do that, you must prepare from the very first moment you end your last meeting.
Once you finish your meeting, do the following:
- Breathe, relax a bit and pad yourself in the back. You showed up. Yayy!! Good for you.
- Acknowledge the facts. The first things that will come to your mind are the ones that went wrong. OK, that is normal. Acknowledge those things but be honest about them. Look for facts confirming them; don’t simply believe your inner critic. Try not to generalize with phrases like “it was the worst” or “everything I said was wrong,” They may think I know nothing.” Forget the absolutes and look for grays and actual observations that confirm whether your belief is true or only a perception.
- Look for the positives. Take some time to think about what went well, such as how much knowledge you could share or how nicely you laid out all the aspects of the product. Don’t worry about the other attendees’ thoughts because you can’t confirm it. Just focus on the facts of what happened, and you can confirm: Yes, I checked all the items on my to-do list. Yay!
- Accept. Once you recognize what went wrong and what went OK, balance both and let it go. Note what you need to learn or improve next time, but don’t take it personally. Focus on the actionable items. There is no benefit to dwelling over the past; you can’t change it.
- Filter the feedback. If you get real feedback that confirms your fears, be realistic about it. If out of ten people, only one complained, it might be that you didn’t do everything wrong. Be compassionate by reminding yourself that you are not perfect, and not everybody has to like your speech. Don’t make it all about that particular negative feedback. It is their subjective opinion. Value their feedback, but again, just as you don’t have to believe everything your inner self tells you, don’t believe everyone else. Understand the input and filter what you think could be helpful next time. Love and congratulate yourself anyway, and move on.
By taking a more relaxed approach to the feedback you receive and your inner critic, and giving some space to recognize your effort and wins, you release yourself from the pressure to be “perfect” next time. YOU can’t be perfect. Remember, perfection is only a perception, but you can be you, who they expect to see next time. Enjoy it!
